On the funny side of the street

Shoot the breeze here.
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Eugen Canada
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by Eugen »

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS :
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL :
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

ANGLE GRINDER :
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS :
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER :
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW :
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

MOLE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH :
Used almost entirely for setting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW :
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK :
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW :
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST :
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER :
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER :
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR :
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.

HOSE CUTTER :
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER :
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

STANLEY KNIFE :
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

ADJUSTABLE SPANNER:
aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted knuckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

BASTARD TOOL :
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Bastard' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Case 224, 444, 644, 680E
Kubota B26 :blush:
JSinMO United States of America
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by JSinMO »

@Eugen since you don’t have your Massy to use as a crane anymore I found some ideas on the net that may help getting your big Case apart.
6088D744-ACC0-4A28-8869-595E561C9D18.jpeg
D3BA41B3-1C56-4B45-8D90-AB557DA8C1CE.jpeg
I didn’t want to contaminate the thread with this nonsense, but I thought a little humor wouldn’t hurt! At least I hope not!

Since it’s 2023 and the world is half crazy, here’s the disclaimer:

The above photos are for entertainment purposes only. Please do not attempt to duplicate anything depicted. Seriously injuring or death could result.
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Eugen Canada
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by Eugen »

Haha, I like that Jeff! If only I could be so creative :rofl:
Case 224, 444, 644, 680E
Kubota B26 :blush:
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RoamingGnome Canada
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by RoamingGnome »

gnome tractor.jpg
Good help is hard to find these days .
Hired this guy today , works for Gnominal fee .
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Dave
[/quote]

That's Awesome! :)) Going to have to get my Gnome behind the wheel of my 446 for a photo Op - perfect for an avatar image !
Gerry
'68 Case 195, '84 Case 446, '88 Ingersoll 222 - and 1965 Case 530ck (fullsize backhoe)
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by DavidBarkey »

@RoamingGnome Or you could rent a costume and have the :wife: take a picture of you . Let face it all the :wife: of Case Nut think there husbands are Nut Cases . :rofl:
Dave
Mad Tractor Builder
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by RoamingGnome »

DavidBarkey wrote: Wed Jan 18, 2023 1:31 pm @RoamingGnome Or you could rent a costume and have the :wife: take a picture of you . Let face it all the :wife: of Case Nut think there husbands are Nut Cases . :rofl:
I think Kelly (aka :wife: ) Would say I probably don't need the costume... :rofl:

PXL_20211114_184856830~3.jpg
The look seems to come naturally, one nice thing about being retired is that it's a lot easier to keep clean -
PXL_20210313_205442214.jpg
I was at Toromont CAT before I retired and spent most of my time working on rebuilds/refits of big loaders/scrapers and haul trucks used by the steel company - coming home with a beard full of coal or slag dust would make me look 10+ yrs younger but was a pain to wash out... :headbash:
Last edited by RoamingGnome on Wed Jan 18, 2023 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
'68 Case 195, '84 Case 446, '88 Ingersoll 222 - and 1965 Case 530ck (fullsize backhoe)
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Eugen Canada
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by Eugen »

Gerry, you're a STRONG man holding that loader on your shoulder! :thumbsup:
Case 224, 444, 644, 680E
Kubota B26 :blush:
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by RoamingGnome »

Really Strong :lol: a single tire/wheel assembly weighs about 6000 lbs and - Ha! looking at it now - it looks like the safety stand under the loader arm is sitting on my bump cap ! :rofl:
'68 Case 195, '84 Case 446, '88 Ingersoll 222 - and 1965 Case 530ck (fullsize backhoe)
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by DavidBarkey »

@RoamingGnome Gerry , just need a red pointed hat and your all set . :giggle: Maybe one of our tech savy guys can draw one in for you . :rofl: Your a great sport and fit in really well here .
Dave
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Re: On the funny side of the street

Post by keith »

This has to be one of my favorite parts of the forum. I have a unique sense of humor that some people don't aways get. Eugen, I lmao with the tool list, I have accumulated most of those tools over the years and use them frequently. Keep them coming guys.
guys. :cheers:
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